I'm feeling....invisible. Normally, where my MIL is concerned, this would not upset me. I might welcome it even. But here, in this particular situation, it really does upset me.
My husband's grandmother passed away Sunday morning. I was sad, but relieved. The last few weeks of her life were not easy and probably not very enjoyable for her. Hospital, hospice, stroke, leukemia, etc....nothing "good" or fun about any of those. She is no longer in pain, no longer too weak to even speak. For that, I am thankful. She deserves an eternity in heaven.
The hard part is now...dealing with the family for the funeral preparations. You see, I've always had a soft spot for Grandmas. Probably because mine was so dear to me. She's been gone over 5 years and I still miss her every day. I hate that she never met my daughter. I think about that a lot.
I married a guy with two grandmas who were really amazing. They both accepted me into their families without hesitation, without prejudice, without regard for the fact that I wasn't blood. In my MIL's family, this was particularly important to me. In that family, there is a clear distinction of whether you are an in-law or not. I don't believe there should be. They preach that they are such a wonderful, close family. Well, not to those of us who weren't born into it. There are issues, anxiety, walls. I'm being left out of the funeral preparations. I don't want to be in-charge. I don't even want a speaking part in the Mass. I just want to be considered. To my MIL and some of her siblings, there were 7 grandchildren. To me and to Grandma, there were 9. Seven happened to be blood, 2 happened to be married in. But she counted all of us as her grandchildren. She told me several times in recent months "you're one of my favorites".
I'm being cast aside by people who have accused me of putting up walls and being the reason for having a less than perfect relationship with them. THIS is why things are difficult between us. THIS is why I put up those walls...because if I don't, you hurt me.
